Real Parents, Real Stories

Real Parents, Real Stories

As I stated, my website and blog is to and for parents who are involved with the Child Welfare system in New Jersey.   In my experience, other than the death of a family member, the removal of a child from a parent's custody is the most stressful and traumatic situation one can face in life.  That's right, I put it even ahead of divorce on that list.  Divorce or the end of a relationship is traumatic, sure, but it is within the realm of experiences that many people face.  Divorce is not uncommon.   People feel that can talk to friends and family about feelings of loss after divorce, or even death.

But involvement with the child welfare system is different.  Parents are dealing not only with the removal of their child, but the stigma attached to being involved with the system.  At the same time, they feel the stress of attempting to deal with the issues that led to the Division's involvement, and struggle to comply with required services.  These stress factors can be even more difficult when parents are facing serious issues in their own lives, such as incarceration, financial difficulties, or drug and alcohol abuse.

In my years of practice I have sat next to my parents in both happy and sad moments.  I have seen many successful reunifications, and have also seen parents lose their parental rights at trial or surrender them voluntarily.  

Although I experience these emotions myself, I still cannot imagine walking in the shoes of a parent who has actually experienced them.  A former client of mine who I will call "Jennifer" (name has been changed of course), has graciously volunteered to allow me to share her story with you.  I thank her very much!  We discussed her case and collaborated on this article based on our recollections, in hopes that her story will be a source of hope and inspiration for others.

Jennifer's Story

Jennifer:

“When my case was reassigned to Mr. Malkin, my son was in foster care for the second time.  Soon after that the Court approved the plan to terminate my rights.  My son was well cared for, but his caregivers did not agree that he should be returned to me."

Arthur:

"I told Jennifer not to give up hope.  She was compliant with the court orders and working very hard to achieve reunification. She had a good relationship with her son who enjoyed his visits.  But still, I had to advocate for her very aggressively, in order to convince the court not to reduce her parenting time with her son."
Jennifer:

"Even though I was doing well, my case proceeded to trial.  I was worried about the outcome and afraid of losing my son forever."

Arthur:

"Jennifer could have chosen to give up her rights but instead somehow found the courage and inner strength to carry on.  Because of Jennifer’s hard work and determination, the court did not terminate her rights.  The Court saw that Jennifer’s son loved her and that his return was in his best interest.  Although not all cases have similar results, Jennifer has shown that success if possible for parents who will work to achieve it.   She has agreed to let me share her story so that other parents involved in the system will know that they can succeed as well if they put their children first.”
 

Jennifer:

 

“Today I have a new life and a bigger family, and it is complete.  Since my son returned home I have had no involvement with the child welfare system again.”

 

Although many clients achieve reunification with their children within one year from removal, the Division can approve a plan of termination of parental rights (TPR) if this is not possible.  Once the Division changes its plan to (TPR), results like Jennifer's are not typical.  That is why it is important for all parents to comply with the Division and follow court orders.  Although I am always pleased to win a TPR guardianship trial, I would much prefer for that trial not to take place at all.

 

That said, no matter how hard the Division may argue for Termination of Parental Rights, until a court decides otherwise, your child remains yours and the outcome is not necessarily predetermined.   Not every parent chooses to stand trial, and some may choose that adoption is in the best interest of their child and surrender their rights.  But Jennifer knew that choice was not right for her or her son.  I am glad that Jennifer made this courageous decision, knowing the risk of an unfavorable outcome.  I'm glad she's doing well and thank her for sharing her story.